Life After Death:
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, sir." the new employee replied.
"Well then, that makes everything just fine." The boss continued: "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"

Palm Sunday:
It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches, and the boy asked what they were for. "People held these over the head of Jesus as he walked by."
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed, "the one Sunday I don't go, he shows up!"

Children's Sermon:
One Easter Sunday morning, as the minister was preaching the Children's Sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know!" A little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"

First Time Ushers:
A little boy in church for the first time, watched as the ushers passed around the collection plates. When they came near the pew where the little boy was sitting, the boy said loudly, "Don't pay for me, Daddy. I'm under five."

Prayers:
The Sunday School teacher asked: "Tell me, Johnny, do you say prayers before eating?" "No, sir, we don't have to." He replied. "My Mom's a good cook!"



Cheers!
Marc

A couple more...
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One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good mornig, Alex." "Good morning Pastor" he replied, still focused on the plaque.

"Pastor, what is this?" he asked.

"Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the
service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 8:30 or the 10:45?"

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Nun in Hooters:

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off.

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and she preceded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand!. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"
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Cheers!
Marc

OK, one more:

One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 59 years old, and (2) you're the minister!"